the first breath

It’s such a weird feeling. When you know something’s wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

suffocation

It took finally breathing again to realize I had been choking this whole time.

I’ve always known something was wrong. I’ve never felt content with how I lived my life. Visiting Germany made me start to look at how I live and really ask myself is this the life I want for myself.

I know moving abroad isn’t going to magically solve my problems. For me, it just took a really long time to realize that my way of life wasn’t the only way. When things don’t make you happy you don’t have to do them. I feel like, in America, it’s so easy to get caught up in the rush of life. We drown ourselves in our jobs because if you’re not working harder than everyone else- you’re not living the American Dream. We want easy, convenient, and fast and we live for the instant gratification of a culture that worships consumerism. Living like this has just never satisfied me. I want to slow down and find the things that do matter to me.

Life isn’t a race and it shouldn’t feel like this.

And maybe I’ll go to Germany and there’ll be things there that annoy me way more than the problems I feel in America ever did. Well, that’s life and I guess that’s just another step in discovering what I really want from my life. Because I want to feel at home in my lifestyle. I don’t want to feel like I have to do something because it’s expected of me.

I want to take a step away from a life that’s been suffocating me and finally breathe

an introduction

When I was 17 I fell in love.

No, not romantic love, not the kind with a boy and an awkward kiss. I fell in love with a place, a home, a life I didn’t have. I fell hard and fast and I’ve spent every minute of the last few years trying to find my way back.

Now, nearly three years later its crazy to think how much a single day, just one sunny perfect afternoon, can alter someone’s life so much. I remember staring out the bus window as we drove into the city and the only thing running through my head was

when can I come back

and I think that’s a good place to start. I’m Meghan and this blog is going to be all about my life in Germany- the kodak moments, the anxiety and homesickness, and all the bits in between. I visited Europe for the first time the summer before my senior year of high school on a class trip. London was fantastic and Paris just as romantic and beautiful as the movies. I had absolutely no expectations for Germany, it was the last two days of the trip and a complete afterthought, overshadowed by the view of the Eiffel Tower. After one sunny afternoon in Cologne, I came home and replaced my Spanish classes for German and vowed to come back and study abroad my Junior year of college.

Now, at nearly 20 years old, that’s exactly what I am about to do. Although it seemed so simple and obvious back then – go abroad to study German, get a job there after college, and never come back- I’m learning that life is complicated, things happen, and sometimes you just have to put on your big girl pants and jump. It’s definitely not going to be as easy or glamorous as 17 year old me anticipated but I’m going to do it anyway.

So, here’s to that sunny June day and all the adventures its taken me on so far, and especially to the ones still ahead.