the white noise of familiarity

In a few short months, I’ll be leaving my life as I know it to move halfway across the world with just a backpack. Many people might be anxious about the backpack part of that sentence. The idea of giving up the things you’ve bought and collected over the years seems daunting, especially when you’ve grown attached to the world around you. But that’s not really me.

I’ve known for nearly a decade that I’ve wanted to move far away and as a result, I’ve kept myself from growing attached to my things. My books, my clothes, my shoes, my knick-knacks can all be easily rebought and replaced. For me, this is a small price to pay for a chance at a new life, a new adventure. But there was one thing I was leaving that I had never really taken into consideration before now: the people.

This seems a little silly now that I write it down. Of course, I have to leave behind my family and close friends. I’ve always known this and I’ve always known it wouldn’t be easy. No, what I hadn’t really considered is the everyday people I walk by- the people I took a class with once, my neighbors, past teachers and professors, the barista that’s at Starbucks literally every single time I go. I walk by these people and it suddenly hits me that I don’t know the next time I’ll see or even think about this person again. All these people become a part of your world, spinning around your orbit and emitting a reassuring and steady white noise.

This atmosphere of familiar faces will give way to a strange new world, in which I don’t recognize a single soul. That is the feeling I didn’t know I would miss. The comfort of walking down a familiar road and giving a half smile of recognition to the man who lived down the street but you’ve never once talked to or the girl who makes your morning latte. I’m sure that eventually these roles will be filled with new neighbors and new baristas as you begin to fill in the cracks of your life that were torn open when you pulled up your roots and began again. But until then, you’re stuck navigating a new landscape of unfamiliarity and anonymous faces, waiting for the day they become recognizable.